To Catch A Cheater
by beaute-ephemere
Summary: Hermione puts out an ad for a discreet relationship in the Daily Prophet. In fact, she's trying to catch her husband cheating. What could go wrong? / Written for the Houses Competition Year 2 Round 4


House : Slytherin

Category : Short

Prompt : [Speech] "I think you meant to say: hey, I know how I want to get us all killed today?"

Word Count : 708

 **A/N: This is an AU where Hermione married Draco. Also, to anyone who says this is OOC for Hermione, remember the little flock of birds in book 6. Hermione can be plenty jealous.**

It was 8 in the morning when Hermione stormed into the Potter household.

"Hermione?" Ginny asked, still in her dressing gown.

"He's cheating on me. I know it!" Hermione screamed.

"What has the ferrety bastard done?!"

"He hasn't done anything... _yet_!"

"So… What are you on about?"

"Well, I took out a personal ad in the Daily Prophet saying I was looking for a discreet relationship. I've received a response, and I'm supposed to meet them at the The White Wyvern, that pub in Knockturn Alley, this evening."

"Uh- I don't mean to be rude, but it seems to me you're the one cheating on him."

"No, silly! It's a trap! I know he's the one who answered my message! I'm going to catch him trying to cheat."

"That seems healthy."

Hermione ignored her. "I wanted to borrow your shoes. The pointy ones from your birthday last year."

"The eff-me-pumps?"

"Exactly."

"Uh-Hermione? Is that appropriate? Given you don't actually plan to have an affair? I mean… you don't, right?"

"Of course not! Who do you think I am? I just want to show my idiot of a husband what he's going to lose."

Ginny rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I'll get the shoes."

Once Hermione had left, Ginny went up to her bedroom, where her husband was sitting in bed.

"Harry!" she shouted.

"Hmm?" he answered.

"Cancel all our plans for tonight! I have a great idea!"

"Gin, our plans were to stay in and eat pizza. What beats that?"

"Trust me, this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Hermione is trying to trick Draco into cheating on her… with her. She's meeting him in the The White Wyvern this evening. Prepare for a show."

"Wait - what - are you suggesting we go spy on Hermione?" Harry asked, visibly confused. "I think you meant to say: hey, I know how I want to get us all killed today?"

"It'll be fun!"

"I hardly think Hermione will think so. She'll murder us."

"What she doesn't know can't hurt her!"

"I'm not doing this. However messed up and entertaining Hermione's mariage is, it's not worth dying for."

"I'm off to work," Ginny said. "Be ready at seven!"

"Wait - !" Harry began, but she had already left.

.oOo.

Hermione sat in the The White Wyvern . It was unusually busy, and she was glad she had agreed to wear a red rose in her hair so that her date could recognise her. _Not that it would be very difficult_ , she thought, _given he was her_ _ **husband**_ _._ She was sure it would be him.

At the very moment, Draco Malfoy entered the pub. The second he locked eyes with Hermione, his regular mask of indifference turned into one of glorious triumph.

"I knew it!" they cried simultaneously.

"No! I - you - it was my idea!" Hermione sputtered. "Don't pretend you planned this!"

"It was _my_ trap. You walked right into it!"

" _You_ walked right into _my_ ploy!"

"So, it was just a coincidence that I responded to your ad? No, this is your convenient excuse for cheating!"

"Never! I knew you'd answer me! I just wanted to catch you!"

Then, all out of childish taunts, the pair stared at one another in silence for a few moments. Finally, Hermione looked at her watch and sighed. "If we leave now, we can get sushi on the way home and still get back before Dance Moms starts."

Draco opened his mouth to protest, but Hermione was not to be deterred. "I know you love it just as much as I do. Come on."

Draco sighed and offered out his arm. "Let's go. Nice shoes, by the way."

"No."

"No?"

"My feet hurt."

Draco chuckled. "Let's get you home, love."

At the back of the pub, a woman in a blonde wig and glasses wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. "They never cease to astound me."

Her partner, who was wearing a fake moustache, wrapped his arm around her. "I admit that was entertaining. Still don't get the need for the disguises. My moustache is itchy," he complained.

"You said you didn't want her to kill you."

"I'm pretty sure Hermione would recognise me, moustache or no moustache."

Ginny shook her head gravely. "There's no pleasing some people, honestly."


End file.
